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Jan-Feb 2022
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On Purpose Woman
On Purpose Woman Magazine is published bi-monthly online. We reserve the right to edit or reject any material submitted. Neither the publishing team or the advertisers accept responsibility for errors. Publication and distribution of this magazine does not constitute an endorsement of information, products or services. The publisher reserves the right to reject any advertisement or listing for any reason. To reproduce articles, always credit On Purpose Woman Magazine with the link to the issue. Also, credit the author and leave their bio and contact info intact.
On Purpose Woman Publisher/Editor Ginny Robertson Creative Director Kathryn Yarborough Contributing Writers: Carol Burbank Laura Di Franco Andrea Hylen Yemaja Jubilee Mary E. Knippel Liz Goll Lerner Jan Phillips Lilia Shoshanna Rae Cherryll Sevy Sofia Wren Cover Art By: Debbie Douglass
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Inside On Purpose Woman...
6 Letter from the Publisher 
 Ginny Robertson 14 Revving Your Creative Engine in 2022: Ask the Right Question, Have a Great Year! 
 Carol Burbank 22 5 Tips to Create a Fabulous 2022
 Mary E. Knippel 30 The Best Advice for New Year Goals
 Sofia Wren 42 You Are Brilliant: Five Ways to Access Your Inner Genius
 Lilia Shoshanna Rae 50 When a Wise Woman Leads 
 Jan Phillips 52 On Purpose Woman Member Spotlight 54 Taboo Topic: Family Secrets 
 Andrea Hylen 62 10 Authentic, Strategic Ways to Talk About What You Do 
 Laura Di Franco 70 Sage Women Wisdom 72 Our Cover Artist
 Debbie Douglass 82 We all R
 Dr. Yemaja Jubilee 86 Real Women. Real Purpose. Talk Show Calendar 88 On Purpose Woman Global Community Member Directory 96 Black Women Owned Business Directory 97 Events and Resources 98 I Got My Hopes Up So We Have to Go
 Elizabeth Goll Lerner 104 Nine Energies to Create Your Best Second Half of Life 
 Cherryll Sevy
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Elizabeth Papp-Stinson * Francine Juhlin * Julia Mattis Re/Max Advantage * Kristi Sullivan * Lilia Shoshanna Rae * Lisa Diane McCall * Live Life With Wonder * 
Maryland Nursing Care * Mary Perry * Me Myself & Money * Mended Digital * Nourishing Journey * Rebel Magic *Sahffi * Tammy Workman-Lopez * Temple in the Woods * 
The Heart’s Voice Movement * Veronica Grey * Wise & Well Center at Keswick * Your Writing Mentor
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From the Publisher Ginny Robertson Happy New Year, and welcome to the pages of On Purpose Woman Magazine. Here you’ll find inspiring, practical, entertaining, and moving ideas and resources to grow your mind, body, spirit, and business. We have some excellent information in this issue for those looking to have a different experience in this new year. Check out our writers and advertisers for how they can support you in what you’re looking for. Our advertisers are why you receive the magazine for free. Please check here when you are looking for support or to enhance your personal/professional life. The ads are linked, so just click on each one for more info. Your Vision for 2022
We have some exciting things planned for you in January and February. Throughout January, all of our 12 online gatherings will have a theme of “Your Vision.†At our Connections Over Coffee and Connections After Hours gatherings, I’ll support you in creating a vision for 2022 that supports you in being the person you aspire to be and to spend your time and energy creating things that matter. Each time you attend one of those free meetings, you’ll get to go deeper and finetune the experience you’re looking for in 2022. At our Connections Thru Conversation gatherings, the discussion theme is “The Importance of Having a Vision.†There you’ll chat with like-minded women and share your perspectives. Check out our Calendar of Events here for the days and times. If you’re not on our email list, you can also sign up on the website, so you’ll know when everything is happening. Be the Person You Aspire to Be!
In February, we’ll have a different speaker at each of our Connections Over Coffee and Connections After Hours gatherings. Each speaker will share a topic on something that will support you in having the experience and being the person you aspire to be in 2022. At Connections Thru Conversation, our discussion topic will support you in continuing to move forward. Your Next 100 On-Purpose Days
In March, I’m offering my program “Your Next 100 On-Purpose Days.†This is a Facebook group program where you can continue to work on those things you identified in January. You don’t have to attend a meeting in January to participate in the 100 Day program, but it will be a plus. It’s free for the paid members of the On Purpose Woman Global Community and just 3 payments of $19/month or $45 for non-members. Check out our ads on pages 12 & 13. Enjoy winter!
When our next issue comes out, it will be springtime in the US. So start this new year with ease and grace, enjoy winter and do some hibernating if you can. And, as always, Be Well, Love Big, Ooze Joy, Make a Difference, and LIVE ON PURPOSE!
Ginny
Leap into 2022!
Revving Your Creative Engine in 2022: Ask the Right Question. Have a Great Year! By Carol Burbank
I don’t know about you, but I haven’t made a New Year’s Resolution in decades. It’s probably the least creative way to get anything done. I’ll admit that I use it to do short-term things every year, giving myself one month to accomplish the task: clean out the closet, send three letters of gratitude to old friends, clean out my email inbox. You get the idea. But the annual, long-term resolutions always seemed to come from “shoulds†that reflected my weaknesses and challenges, not my strengths and interests. I’ve found a better way to transform my year creatively: ask a question that will guide me in exploring possibility all year long! One of my students years ago told me I asked impossible questions – and that’s what she loved about working with me, because she found amazing and unexpected answers as she explored. I’ve always pushed my writing forward with open-ended, challenging questions. But it wasn’t until two years ago that I opened up my life with them. The first year, I asked myself a playful question: How many ways can I play with dinosaurs in my new house? That was fun – I documented my year’s experiment with photographs, and my inner child was full of joy, as was my year. I received a shot of energizing playfulness that fed my friendships, my work, and my imagination. The second year, I chose a more intense question: What is the Jezebel myth all about, and why does it have so much power in our culture? Vice President Kamala Harris had been insulted by a sexist, racist Baptist preacher as a “Jezebel,†and I was both curious and angry. What I found out became a poetry manuscript and a women’s ritual that will turn into an empowerment workshop in 2022. I realized that knowledge is power against prejudice and cultural bias! For 2022, I’m exploring plants, asking: What lessons do plants have to teach me? I have no idea where it will take me, but I’m already excited. Inside my house, my geranium is in full bloom, the fern is recovering from a long, dry fall on the porch, and I’m thinking about bulbs and seeds and where the light could awaken them in my tree-lined yard. I’ll let you know what I find out! It’s not just me. My Creativity Gathering group has used this technique since the first Covid lockdown to keep ourselves active and engaged in the world. Each of us asks different questions over different time frames, but the benefits are real. One graphic artist launched a sculpture project that galvanized her entire neighborhood during the lockdown. A screenwriter created a new rom-com by paying attention to the ideas she had when she swam daily. An amateur chef explored and mastered an entirely new national cuisine, much to her delight! Why do exploratory questions work so well to help us thrive? The main reason is that they are not goals but journeys. A journey takes us somewhere new, somewhere surprising, and energizes everything we do along the way. That’s the heart of active creativity, which teaches us to value the learning process, opening up more potential and power than focusing on a specific result. And remember, answering this question is part of the pleasure of your year, so let it guide you whenever you feel its pull, and follow it where it leads, with the improvisational delight travel brings. Let me just say, I have plenty of goals. Goals lead us towards new ambitions and purpose, of course, which makes them important and useful. But they often are designed to improve something about our lives or business, which means they’re grounded in a problem. Too often, the problem overwhelms the process. That’s why so many of us fail when our New Year’s Resolutions are only goals, evolving quickly into obligations and disappointments. Set your goals wisely. Forbes magazine reports there are three main reasons New Year’s Resolutions fail: they reinforce our weaknesses, they reflect our shame instead of celebrating our successes, and they aren’t connected to any concrete steps for improvement. Build on your strengths and successes, and make a reasonable, focused plan to help you achieve them in 2022. I hope you’ll also allow yourself to get creative and move beyond pragmatic goals. Creative evolution may start with curiosity about something that isn’t working, but it’s so much more! This year, ask an expansive question that excites you, and follow your sense of wonder. Put the shoulds and obligations down, and see what questions rise up from your creative heart. Choose one, and invite it into your life, letting the different answers rise as naturally and organically as the question. You’ll be glad you did. Body text Body text Body text Body text
How many ways can I play with dinosaurs in my new house?
What lessons do plants have to teach me? I
Carol Burbank is a writing coach and organizational consultant, founder of Storyweaving Coaching and Consulting, and an OPN host in Fort Washington, MD. If you are interested in joining her free, bi-monthly Creativity Gathering in 2022, email her at cburbank@storyweaving.com.
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Are you ready for 2022 to be the year all of the blood, sweat and tears of millions of past moments propel you powerfully into living your purpose? Perhaps you can use a few words of inspiration to guide your steps going forward. Speak Up. Speak up with confidence and courage. Your voice and your story matter! It breaks my heart that so many feel they don't have a story and that it doesn't matter. They feel frustrated and invisible. No one else has had your experiences from your perspective. No one else can tell your story with your passion. All of your experiences and the wisdom resulting from those experiences shaped you into the person you are today. Someone is waiting to hear your story. Your story will have an impression on someone's life. If you don't share your story, that person won't have the life they were meant to live. I promise you that your story matters. Speak up with confidence. When I was 8 years old, I stood on a beautiful stage and wowed my audience with my performance. Every ear eagerly awaited what I'd say next. Of course, my stage was a giant boulder at the edge of a grove of trees, and I was facing a field full of corn ready to be harvested. I just knew I was gonna be interviewed someday, and I would be prepared… even if no one else in my world thought it could ever happen to me. Since then, I have had some amazing opportunities. I've had the privilege of being invited to present on many beautiful stages. My work as a writer is well respected, and my life is pretty wonderful. It hasn't always been that way. I had to speak up in my writing and in my talks. Tackle your fears. We all are afraid of something: heights, snakes, spiders, ghosts, public speaking, water, and the dark, to name a few. Like being afraid of the dark, some fears began in our childhood, and we've outgrown them. Somehow, we managed to overcome those phobias and live full lives. We take swimming lessons to feel safe around water. We say "yes" to a request which has us grappling with personal and/or professional challenges. "According to most studies," comedian Jerry Seinfeld once said, "people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you'd rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy." Fear can hold you back when offered an opportunity. After my older brother passed, his adult children asked me to write his eulogy. Most of my childhood memories include my brother, so I felt I would be the only one who could write something that would really show who this quirky guy was. He teased me constantly about having to haul me somewhere when giving me a ride. He was relentless trying to find and read my journal. He marched to the beat of his own drum. Writing about him was one thing. Delivering the eulogy was another story. Several people suggested I let the priest read the eulogy, so I had an out. But it was a privilege to deliver the eulogy I had written. The entire church laughed through their tears when I talked about my brother napping on the roof while adjusting the T.V. antenna. It was emotional. Yes, I cried. And I did it! Outwit inner chatter. Do you ever hear voices in your head saying, "who do you think you are?" "You can't do that!" “You don’t have the right (training, certification, equipment) ____________ ) fill in the blank.†My solution to counteract that chatter is to create a new inner dialogue. I start every morning with new chatter to replace those other voices: "I am amazing." "My gifts are needed in this world." "I am enough just as I am." "I am a blessing." Rewrite the future. The story so far may have been one of trial and error. Now It is your chance to create a vision and the story of your happily ever after. Write down the details of all your detours and what changes you are putting into place to plot your new destiny. Growing up in Southern Minnesota, I never imagined I'd be living a mile from the Pacific Ocean. My biggest dream back then was to move to the Twin Cities two hours away from the farm where I grew up. My reality is that I've lived in Colorado and California and loved both adventures. However, it took some time to have that attitude because of why we moved to those beautiful places. Two lost jobs resulted in two major moves across the country, far away from family and familiar surroundings. I rewrote my story to focus on the positive: getting to explore new environments and learn new facets of myself. You are perfect At this very moment, you are perfect. When you hold that vision, every moment promises more of the same. Welcome 2022 as a brilliant incarnation of yourself.
5 Tips to 
Create a Fabulous 2022 by Mary E. Knippel
Mary E Knippel 
Book Mentor, guides entrepreneurs to grow their business by developing their unique voice and sharing their distinctive message. Learn more at: https://yourwritingmentor.com
Speak up with confidence and courage. Your voice and your story matter!
Once upon a time, I was feeling lost and wondering what to do with my life. I attended a class, where–lo and behold–I was given the best advice ever. Someone told me that everyone tends to make goals about what they want to do and what they want to have. But really, they should focus on the person that they want to BE. That’s the one thing that I never thought of! I’d had all kinds of other goals. I grew up trying to get good grades, get into a good college, so that I could get a good job. But none of that gave me a sense of completeness. I always felt like something was missing. I was unsatisfied no matter how well I did. Even if I was praised, I quickly felt like I had to get back on the bicycle wheel to push, push, push harder to another goal.​ None of my goals included who I wanted to be–and so to meet my goals, I ended up conforming and fitting into the mold of someone else entirely. I thought I was getting closer to something, but really, I was getting farther away. But the man told us, whatever it is you are trying to do, have, or be, there is an easier way to get there. ​ You can flip the script and you can focus on what you want to BE first. He said, “Let’s say you want to be successful. When you focus on BEING the kind of person who is successful, you naturally will do the things a successful person does and have the things that a successful person has.†So in sum, the lesson is: Identify who you want to be first and focus on becoming that as quickly as possible. Then everything else will be easier. And you don’t have to be who you are “supposed to be†or who people expect. You have full permission to get as wild and crazy as you really want to be when it comes to imagining the person you are ready to step into BEING… Right. Now. So after I heard him speak, I remembered it for many years. Slowly, I began to clarify that question of “Who do I want to be?†And if who I am isn’t the same as my job or my possessions, what does THAT mean?†I filled out countless workbooks, attended workshops and it all helped a little bit. But the thing that REALLY energized me were memories of being in the water--times when I was in the ocean feeling so fully alive it was like that was my true home. Gradually…slowly…I came to an answer of my own. I came to call my ideal future self a mermaid. It was silly but it filled me with sparkles. Just picturing myself in the water made me feel more expansive. There I was, at peace with myself: no longer hustling or trying to prove myself to anyone. And from that seed--picturing myself in the water--more details of this version of me came into focus: People are enjoying my writing all around the world. My videos, my thoughts, my songs, my creations are adding to people’s lives. My work is desired. It is understood. It is spot on and reaching someone right where they need to be reached. I am tapped in. I know how to help people and do it in a way that helps me, too. I’ve got money I need to make this dream reality possible–including time off to totally unwind. Everything I desire is right here. And yes, having the vision is only part of what comes next. Through the power of this idea of who I wanted to be, I realized there was a gap to cross. I had to make many changes over the years. I had to evolve. And I’m not done! But having a guidepost that is truly authentic to me is a game changer. It helped me to make decisions in ways that no one else would counsel me to make them. For instance, when I was separated from my fiancé due to COVID travel restrictions, I ended up doing a two week quarantine in South Korea on the off chance that if I showed up to Japan afterwards, they would let me in. They did. What a unique path. Yours, too, is a unique path. You will need to find your own vision of your ideal self, or what I call your mermaid self! There isn’t one way to be in the world; there isn’t one standard for what success is. Maybe it’s: That sexy self that likes to dance in the mirror, or wear sparkles. The part of you that is still laughing at a joke you made five minutes ago. The person who cancels her plans just to sit quietly at home with herself for a while. Pursue alignment with who you really want to be, and you can CREATE: more joy, more money, more good work or good art, serve more people… And finally heal the wounds everyone has been living with for centuries trying to be someone other than who they were born to be. IT’S TIME FOR A NEW ENERGY If you’ve been overwhelmed, stalled, or feel like it’s all hard and a grind–then you could really use this call to add more ease, inspiration and flow… STOP. Breathe. Remember where you are trying to go. Are you focusing on the right thing? Who do you hope to become? How would that version of you feel or think? How does she move in the world? ​ Goals aren’t just about building a business, working on a book…it’s something more… Expressing your deeply beautiful, mermaid self. So, remember: Focus on who you want to be, not what you do. Body text Body text Body text Body text Body text Body text Body text Body text Body text
The Best Advice for New Year Goals by Sofia Wren
Identify who you want to be first and focus on becoming that as quickly as possible.
Sofia Wren 
is a Multi-business Owner, Mermaid Creatrix. Guiding you to write, market and create in awe-striking ways for faster progress on books and business. http://www.sofiawren.com
You Are Brilliant Five Ways to Access Your Inner Genius by Lilia Shoshanna Rae
Did you know that you are a genius? Yep. My angels told me so. Everyone is a genius. When you share your unique gifts, you tap into that genius that is yours alone. And the cool thing about it is, the more you share it, the more it grows. Amazing. So how do you access this inner amazingness? I asked my angels (which I sometimes forget to do), and they gave me five suggestions. 1. Find your joy switch (what turns you on). This first tip is so simple, but if you are like me, you may think being brilliant takes hard work, being disciplined, sticking to schedules, tackling tough stuff. But guess what? That’s boring. And if you don’t find your joy switch inside, you will burn out your inner light before it even starts to shine. Start with what brings you joy, and you will see it bring smiles to others. Not only that, but it will carry you through whatever “tough stuff†you have to do. I love helping people get ahas. I love getting ahas myself. Life as a human intrigues me. I am always reading something that helps me understand what makes us tick. Whether it is the latest Brene Brown book, an astrology report, or an article on Human Design, I love discovering new ways to know who we are and how to grow and maybe even evolve. It is fascinating to me, and it brings me joy. When I share this wisdom with others, I see their eyes light up. Their imagination starts to ignite. They see possibilities for themselves they never saw before. Self-
discovery is a never-ending journey that keeps yielding treasure as we choose to travel it. The key to self-discovery is finding the joy switch inside that will light you up and help you light up the world. You might even lighten up like I am doing with this article. I don’t usually write with such lightheartedness, but that’s what happens when I listen to my angels. 2. Act as if. Sometimes we have to pretend we are brilliant before we can see it for ourselves. We may be listening to our conditioned thoughts from a parent, a teacher, or a bully in middle school – “your sister is so much brighter than you,†“you’re not college material,†“you’re just a copycat.†When negative messages cause you to doubt yourself, it blocks you from seeing how bright you are. One way to get beyond those old messages is to prove yourself wrong by first pretending. Act as if and then see what lights you up. You may be surprised. I never thought I could do well as a speaker. In fact, when I first started going to On Purpose Woman Global Community meetings, I was scared to give a 30-second introduction. As I kept coming back and “acting as if,†my talks improved. Now when I speak from a grounded, present place, it lights me up. 3. Be playful This third lesson is challenging for me to remember. I take myself way too seriously. After all, I served over 30 years as a lawyer, so I spent most of my life being the serious sort. But that’s not the real me. And being playful helps me to tap into the inner genius lying below that serious façade. Take this article, for instance. When I sat down to write, I started with serious Susan (my former first name when I practiced law). I did not know what I was going to write. My angels had given me the title, but I was stumped with how to begin. And then I remembered – “Oh, yeah. Maybe I should ask my angels.†So I did, and they asked me to trust them and just play along. So hopefully, you are seeing how much fun I am having as I write. They are asking me to be playful with this so I can remember to be playful in the rest of my “work.†How can you bring play into your “work� I bet you will see a whole lot more creativity shine through. Being playful will light you up and help you see just how brilliant you really are. 4. Move your body, mine your mind. I have to laugh with this fourth suggestion because my angels are playing with me on this one. They know I resist exercise even though it is good for the body, mind, and spirit. They snuck this one in to remind me to get moving more. When I walk or do some other activity, my mind starts to get insights and inspirations. Yet, I resist. Have you ever noticed that when you feel stuck in your head or down on yourself, things shift if you get yourself in motion? For example, I wanted to begin writing the next chapter in my book, but I felt stuck. I put on some headphones to listen to an uplifting message and went for a walk. Within minutes, ideas for my book started to flow. The more I walked, the more excited I felt about my topic. Moving my body unleashed all sorts of creative approaches to the chapter, and I rushed back home so I could jot them down. 5. Take baby steps until you hit your stride. The final tip is just to start small when you begin to explore your gifts and ways to share them in your unique way. Tapping into your genius and shining your brilliant light may seem daunting at first. Baby steps prevent overwhelm. Take one step and let your inner light show you the next one. You are designed to shine. You are brilliant.
How can you bring 
play into your “work�
Lilia Shoshanna Rae 
is the author of The Art of Listening to Angels. She helps clients access angel wisdom and live their soul’s purpose. www.LiliaShoshannaRae.com
Ginny Robertson, Founder On Purpose Woman Community Founder/Editor On Purpose Woman Magazine
Kathryn Yarborough, Global Facilitator On Purpose Woman Community Creative Director On Purpose Woman Magazine
On Purpose Woman Magazine & The On Purpose Woman Community Stand With Our Friends and Colleagues Black Lives Matter For 21 years, the On Purpose Woman Community has welcomed and encouraged all women to join us in “connecting women around the world to their gifts, their purpose, and each other.†On Purpose Woman Magazine has always been committed to diversity within our pages. We embrace diversity. We will work harder to practice inclusion. We will use our platforms of privilege to do both.
When a Wise Woman Leads
by Jan Phillips
An award-winning author of 12+ books, Jan Phillips was a devoted Catholic who wanted nothing more than to be a nun and who joyously entered the convent at 18. Two years later, she was dismissed for “a disposition unsuited to religious life, with excessive and exclusive friendships.†She was lesbian. She had always known it. “It was being homosexual that made me want to kill myself [at 12],†she writes. “As far as I knew, there was nothing worse than being queer. They were perverts, sinners, hated by God, hated by just about everyone. Lezzies, bull dykes, fags, queers, lesbos—all damned, and there I was, one of them.†Over the years, she created a life of love, service, community, and prayer. She evolved her understanding of God and came to see herself—and all of us—as the light of the world. “Had I not been born gay … my heart would not have broken in half, would not have opened itself to Love Supreme, would not have been tenderized by life’s bitter pounding.†Jan’s latest book,Still on Fire:Field Notes from a Queer Mystic,is a memoir of religious wounding and spiritual healing, of judgment and forgiveness, and of social activism in a world that is in our hands. www.janphillips.com
When a wise woman leads, she calls a circle together and makes a place for stories to be shared, hopes to be uttered and revelation to unfold. When a wise woman leads, she leads from stillness – where she has gathered herself, mined her experience for its insight, and turned her wisdom into story. When a wise woman leads, she listens to the voice and hears the spirit. She steps up and out, even when the path ahead is rugged or unclear. When a wise woman leads, the experience of the journey is as important as arriving. When a wise woman leads, she thinks with her head, ponders with her heart, decides with her soul. When a wise woman leads, she speaks with the intensity of fire, the freshness of air, the groundedness of earth, and the depth of the sea. When a wise woman leads, she bears witness to our oneness, and chooses what is best for the common good. She is a tempest against injustice, a torrent of hopefulness, a wellspring of wisdom. She leads for the benefit of every sentient being, that life will be sustained, that well-being will prevail, that goodness will shine over all our days.
Family Secrets by Andrea Hylen
Taboo Topic:
Now that the holidays are over let’s talk about family. In December, you probably received cards with family photos of people smiling and wearing matching outfits. Or you saw photos like that in your social media newsfeed from random friends. Maybe there was a holiday letter that spoke about everyone’s accomplishments in 2021. How many of those holiday messages included anything real outside of the perfection that is labeled as success? Did anyone write about how they really struggled this year? Or how they had a bad year in their business? Loss of a job? Relationship break-up? What if holiday letters included struggles and life lessons? For example, someone sharing they were evicted from their home and how vulnerable and humiliating that was. Then they shared it woke them up to the housing insecurity that millions of people experience every year and how that changed their view of the world. They share that someone helped them and that they started volunteering at a homeless shelter to provide support for others. Now, that would be inspirational! Happy New Year! Right now, I am on a break from my family: my mother, brother, and sister. I wouldn’t call it estrangement because I haven’t blocked anyone’s texts or messages. I set a boundary at the beginning of 2021 that all communication come through email and text. No phone calls. No Zoom calls. I love my family. They are complex, interesting people who are doing good things in the world. On the flip side of the complexity, I have also been traumatized, disrespected, manipulated, and bullied, all in the name of ‘love.’ There is alcoholism, anxiety, depression, misogyny, and trauma in our lineage. There is denial, secrets, and an expectation that we do not talk about any of the trauma. Loyalty to the family is a core value, and writing about trauma and grief has freed me from misguided loyalty. It has been a 40-year process of uncovering the ‘bad behavior and toxicity’ to find my way. Last year, I found myself in an indefinite, possibly forever, break—no weddings, funerals, holiday celebrations, or visits to family homes. I never thought I would be ‘one of those people’ who would not want to spend time with their family, but here I am. As Tara Westover wrote in her book Educated, “You can love someone and still choose to say goodbye to them. You can miss a person every day and still be glad that they are no longer in your life.†Safety and Belonging are basic needs of all humans. It is one of the reasons abused children want to return to the abusive parent. We are dependent on a sense of belonging, and that survival need overrides everything else. In a Somatic Trauma training recently, I heard the words safety, belonging, and dignity. A family environment with shame, guilt, manipulation, and conditional love may give you a sense of belonging, but it does not provide you with dignity. Consider how the ‘black sheep’ of the family, the person who follows the beat of a different drum, is considered ‘wrong.’ ‘What will the neighbors think,’ is still a paradigm of priority. When my father was admitted to the hospital in August 2021, he and I had three short phone calls. The last call felt like a goodbye and completion. I felt relieved when he died in September 2021 and lit a candle of forgiveness with a prayer. There would be no more conversations that would continue to add salt to open wounds. I forgive him, and I forgive me. In honoring my mother, I am navigating new ways to check in with her. At age 90, she is healthy and wealthy and lives on a golf course. In the past few months, I sent her 90 postcards and letters in honor of her 90th birthday describing memories from her life and letting her know the positive impact she had on me. I didn’t talk about the unspoken trauma in some of those events. She has made it clear that she only wants to focus on positive things. With new ways of communicating, I send love without judgment. The environment and conversations that are toxic to me are normal and comfortable for others. I am not trying to fix or change anyone. The break from my family of origin has given me space to regulate my own nervous system while building a healthy relationship with my adult daughters. Hiding our imperfections is a symptom of shame and humiliation. A facade of perfection disconnects us. I am more interested in who the Wizard is behind the curtain and how you are navigating challenges in your life. I want to celebrate your success and hear about where you are challenged and learning. As you begin the new year, carve out some time to reflect on your relationships. Do an inventory. Who are you? What do you need? How can you nurture others? 1. Reflect on why you are in relationship with people in your life. 2. Focus on the choices and decisions you are making. 3. Make amends where you have caused harm. 4. Set boundaries with love. 5. Take care of your mental and emotional health. 6. Express Empathy Fill yourself up first. Connect with like-minded people who see and know you. Close an old chapter. Begin a new chapter. Build your life from there. Body text Body text Body text Body text Body text 8 Body text Body text Body text
#3 in a series of 8 Taboo Topics by Andrea Hylen
Some questions to reflect on around relationships: Are you listening? Do you treat people with respect? Can you be vulnerable and messy? Do you apologize and make amends when you have caused harm? Are you creating an atmosphere of safety, belonging, and dignity? Are you working on your own personal growth with self-reflection and a willingness to change and improve?
Andrea Hylen 
Author of Heal My Voice: An Evolutionary Woman’s Journey. Creator of The Incubator: On-line Co-working Space for Cultural Creatives. www.andreahylen.com
10 Authentic, Strategic Ways to Talk About What You Do
by Laura Di Franco Explaining what you do or what you need in a way that the person you're talking to thinks of someone they can introduce you to is a skill worth mastering in the business development game. It's also key in terms of understanding other people's businesses so that you can refer to them. This requires that you have a clear handle on who your ideal client is, what you do, what problems you solve, and exactly how you solve them. You must be able to articulate these things in a clear, passionate way, not only to motivate others to want to help you build your business, but so that they actually can. People want to help you. You must help them help you! You'll also want the answers to these questions so you can get super clear about what other people need to grow their business. This list might be more important as it relates to the information you need about others! Don't forget that part! It's CRUCIAL. The following fill-in-the-blank statements will be great information for you to practice sharing and for you to gather about your referral partners. Get out your notebook and write the answers down! Practice sharing them in your conversations and practice asking the same questions of the people you're having conversations with! Here are 10 ways to talk about what you do and what you'll want to know about others' businesses so you can receive and give the best referrals faster! VISION 1. The big vision for my company is _____. Donnie Boivin once said, "Your vision has to be big enough that other people want to help you achieve it." I loved that. Can you state your big vision in a way that motivates people to want to make introductions and referrals? Flip this to a question for your conversations: What is your vision for this company? EXPERTISE 2. I’m an expert at _____. Steve Harrison did an exercise with us in his Quantum Leap coaching program that blew me away. Stepping up as an expert in your field is a must. He helped us claim our expert status. And when people hire others, they want the expert they're confident will solve their problem. It's important to claim your expertise and help people understand just what you can do for them and how. Flip this to a question for your conversations: Tell me about your expertise. WHAT YOU DO 3. People hire me to _____. If you're not fully clear about what exactly you do, this will be a difficult business development road for you. What do people hire you to do? What I want you to think about here is a tangible takeaway, not the magical "how" of what you do. What results do your clients want? What do they hire you to do for them? Use the last two questions for your conversations: What results do your clients want? What do people hire you to do for them? IDEAL CLIENT 4. An ideal referral right now is _____. Right now, in my business, an ideal referral would be a female physical therapist (or other healthcare practitioner) who has her own practice and is also a blogger or writer but has never published a book. She has an interesting story to tell and is always saying how she'll write her book one day. Did you naturally think of your own physical therapist, personal trainer, nutritionist, or massage therapist? Score if I got you to think of an actual person in your life. And that's the goal here. To help others think of an actual person to introduce you to. Flip this for your conversations: What's a perfect referral for you right now? Bonus tip: If you can't think of anyone after the person tells you the details of their ideal referral, ask clarifying questions until you can! PROBLEMS 5. People I work with are struggling to _____. The healers I work with are struggling to share their message out loud in a way that people really get it and resonate to the point they know they want to work with that individual. Their social posts and blogs are getting little engagement, and they are frustrated about their copywriting getting them nowhere. Their frustration is showing up in an empty schedule, decreased income, and arguments with their spouse. If you know your own ideal client's biggest struggles, you're going to help others think of someone with that struggle. You have to understand what keeps them up at night. And you have to get to the emotion of things here. Flip this for your business development conversations and ask your person: What are the biggest struggles for your clients? WHAT YOU HEAR 6. People I work with are saying things like _____. There's nothing more powerful than understanding what your ideal clients are actually saying in their day-to-day lives about their issues. How would you know? No, you can't hide out in their homes or plant recording devices. But you can actually talk to them and interview them about it. You will actually hear them say the words that might end up on your sales pages. The best homework I ever got from a coach was to sit down with one of my ideal clients and pick their brain about their life as it relates to my services. Flip it for your conversations: What are your clients saying in their daily life about this? WHAT YOU'RE GOOD AT 7. One of my favorite problems to solve is _____. This is a tweak on #5. It's very cool to know what you're good at and what your favorite problem is to solve. Like, what problem could you solve in your sleep? What do you already write, teach, and speak about? What do you have the code or secret formula for? Flip it and ask your person: What is one of your favorite problems to solve? TESTIMONIAL OR CASE STUDY 8. One of my clients was able to _____. Can you talk about what you do in story form? What is an example or story you can tell about a client who had an outstanding result after working with you? When you tell stories, it's a fun, more entertaining way to talk about what you do as it relates to real-world results your clients have experienced. STATS 9. I’ve helped ____ people do _____. Another form of testimonial-like information is how many people you've helped solve a problem. Have you counted it up? Do you know the statistics? In the last year and a half, I've helped over 500 health, and wellness practitioners become Amazon bestselling authors! That was a fun stat to look up as an example for you! I'm patting myself on the back for that one. What's a stat you can celebrate today? Flip it for your conversations: How long have you been in business, and how many people have you worked with? FUN 10. When I'm not at work, I love to _____. I could have opened this article with this one because when you get to know someone at another level, you're creating deeper relationships and building the know, love, and trust factor. What are you sharing about your life and passions? Are you keeping your non-work life a secret? Why? When I know what you love, I'm more apt to want to hang out and get to know you better. I'm more inclined to take our business relationship to a deeper level and build that interest and caring required for badass business building. Flip it on your conversation partner: What do you love to do outside of work? You all know there are more than 10, right? This is a great start, though. Use these questions with a partner as practice. Find a buddy and go through them with each other. Help each other get clearer, both with the information and with articulating it. Don't get stuck in perfectionism. Go out and fail. Then have another conversation and do it better the next time. It's the action that'll help you get the clarity you're craving in terms of answering all these questions for yourself and getting better at teaching others how to talk about you. An empire grows as the business owner moves out into the world to share their big vision out loud, but it grows faster if that business owner focuses on helping the people around them build their businesses. Teach others how to talk about what you do. Learn how to talk about what other people do. Be genuinely interested in knowing others and their deepest desires. Be passionate about sharing yours. These badass conversations turn into friendships, business and referral partnerships, and powerful collaborations when you're practicing being an active, engaged listener and an articulate, confident speaker. It's a beautiful dance, a give-take, and an authentic passion. Master this art and watch your business grow into an empire that leaves a legacy and changes the world. 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Laura Di Franco 
is CEO of Brave Healer Productions, where they publish world-changing wellness books. With thirty years of practice in holistic physical therapy, a third-degree black belt, and 20 books and counting, she offers powerful expertise and energy that’ll help you leave a legacy with your brave words. 
www.BraveHealer.com
Our Cover Artist Debbie Douglass
Debbie Douglass is retired and lives in Windsor Mill, MD with her cat, Vision, who she is totally in love with. She spends most of her time painting and working on projects guaranteed to put smiles on faces. You will recognize her art by its jewel tones and bright cheerful colors.Some of her recent creations include happy memories growing up in Cherry Hill, south Baltimore.Many ideas come from people who speak of endearing moments in their lives. Debbie has always been an artist. At 64, she still remembers her kindergarten teacher sharing her painting with colleagues.That became her initial encouragement to create art and she hasn’t stopped yet. In high school, she participated in community projects such as indoor and outdoor wall murals. Ten years ago, as part of her recovery from divorce, Debbie enrolled in college. In her final semester, she studied abroad at Marchutz School of Painting and Drawing. The school is in Aix en Provence, a small city in southern France.The city is famous for being the home of the famous master painter, Cezanne. Debbie painted on the streets and in some of the same fields and mountain plains as Cezanne, Picasso, Monet, and other great artists.During her time in France, she also painted on the streets in Venice, Italy as part of a required assignment. Today, she uses her talent to create personalized greeting cards, portraits, and memory paintings. She is a regular guest artist in the Celebration of African American Artists Calendar. Her work can be found at www.Redbubble.com and her Facebook page at Debbie Douglass Priceless Originals: https://www.facebook.com/debbiedouglassart Body text
More art by Debbie Douglass
Dr. Yemaja Jubilee is a poet, author, creative consultant, and songwriter. As an inspirational speaker/workshop facilitator, she spreads her message of love and inclusivity. Landnluv@aol.com
https://www.facebook.com/yemaja.jubilee 434-808-2472
We all R by Dr. Yemaja Jubilee h.c. The Soul-Full Poet
We all R Breathing, & Living Living and being Being & unbecoming Unbecoming & unpacking Liking & loving I AM, YOU R, THEY R, WE ALL R! We all R Giving & receiving Thriving not striving Dismantling & dissolving Expanding & evolving Emerging & Enlightening I AM, YOU R, THEY R, WE ALL R! We all R Singing & Dancing Praying & meditating Growing & Showing Knowing & feeling I AM, YOU R, THEY R, WE ALL R! We all R Discerning & deciphering Awakening & ascending Aspiring & amazing Applauding & appreciating I AM, YOU R, THEY R, WE ALL R! We all R Relaxing & rejuvenating Savoring & tasting Pulsating & conversating Glowing & luminating I AM, YOU R, THEY R, WE ALL R! We all R Touching & hugging Lifting & Shifting Downloading & transmitting Love forever we are Gifting I AM, YOU R, THEY R, WE ALL R! Higher & Higher we ascend as we are climbing the rungs of positive sensations, ascending to a higher vibration Each step up shows the way as we are light beings for all others to follow To manifest together our highest truth Our highest creativity Our highest authenticity As we boldly are shifted and baptized by our blazing passion and desire cause our souls are on fire 
We display our sacred affinity as we fulfill our divine destiny Our vibrations of Source’s love lift us, as we are outpouring pure love from above and to belove The fullness of Spirit washes us in waves of blissfulness, sweetness better than the taste of honey on the tip of my tongue So complete are we, I am, You R, They R, we All R and so it is done We are climbing up love’s ladder 3X Beacons of light & Love Body text Body text
Art byTina Mc Glynn
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This morning I was walking down the street. While passing a young boy and his father, the little one uttered: “I got my hopes up, so we have to go!†in such a matter-of-fact tone that the unemotional exclamation point of the remark struck me soundly. He knew. He knew how simple it is to set a course and take action. How simple it is! Someone had told him something about hopes and getting them up or not at some point in his young life. His interpretation was spot on. We can’t know whether that came true for him, but when we isolate that comment we can take a lot for ourselves. How often do we get our hopes up? Do we dare to dream, to create, to take action based on something we have set our sights on? Sometimes we do and sometimes we don’t. There are many variables that enter the decision. BUT maybe we should listen to our intuition. Maybe we should listen to the creative insight or plan the way we did when WE were 4. Growing up, many of us heard “don’t get your hopes up.†This young boy had it right. If you get your hopes up it has to happen. He had decided. He knew on some level that when we aim and hope we had better take heed. He knew that action is possible, and we are at the helm. We are powerful creatures. Reach out and hope! As Adora Svitak says (on her TED talk), we should listen to kids. Let’s include the kid in us.
I Got My Hopes Up So We Have to Go by Elizabeth Goll Lerner
by Liz Goll Lerner You can reach Liz Goll Lerner for tips on listening to that kid in you at liz@yourinspiredchoices.com.She is the Creator of Divorce Well and Thrive® and Enlightened Communication for Luminous Living™ and brings over 35 years of experience to your journey. A spiritual teacher, psychotherapist, art therapist and life coach, she guides you to success in even the most high-stakes situations and conversations. Live your vision! www.YourInspiredChoices.com
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Nine Energies to Create Your Best Second Half of Life by Cherryll Sevy
Endings and New Beginnings Have you experienced a major life change in the past few years? If you’re over forty your life has probably shifted in some major ways. Many overwhelming endings and life changes happen after forty. Marriages end or begin, children leave home, parents age, careers end, you move to a new community, friendships change. Every ending is different, yet they all have one thing in common. They are all followed by new beginnings. You can consciously decide what’s next and look forward, or resist this ending and look backwards, it’s your choice. Our Bonus Years: Using Our Gift of Time Aggie, a very close friend, died unexpectedly at age 58. I was grief-stricken and shocked by her death at such a young age. I realized how precarious life is, and how lucky I am to wake each morning to a new day. With a sense of gratitude, I consider this time in life my bonus years. In 1900, life expectancy was only 40 years. Today, it is over 80 years, with many living well into their nineties and 100’s. These years can be challenging, as well as richly rewarding and multi-faceted. Identifying Nine Unique Energies: Our Nine Facets You have a personal life journey made up of blended roles and energies, that define who you are and how you live. I’ve highlighted nine unique energies you can tap into for a brighter, more fulfilled life. Each facet represents some aspect of energy within you. Parts that may have been buried. Now you can rediscover and polish your facets to allow your light to shine through in new, vibrant ways. Each facet offers varied opportunities to learn, develop, and brighten the world. Midlife and beyond is an ideal time to explore these energies and create a new life aligned with who you are and how you choose to live now. This is the perfect time to begin and create a best second half of life. Why I Chose Facets as Metaphor The word diamond comes from the Greek word “adamas,†which means invincible or indestructible. Diamonds are believed to protect the wearer from danger, give them strength and courage, as well as contain healing properties. A diamond is a fascinatingly beautiful, individually varied gem. A facet is a flat surface on the geometric shape of a diamond and each facet maximizes the light reflecting properties of the diamond. Like a diamond, you are unique, a creation of this moment in time. You reflect the light of the world, and shine with your own brightness and clarity. Discovering long buried interests can bring more light, brightness and pleasure into your life. The Nine Facets Adventurer: Exploring She is a seeker of new places and a variety of life experiences near and far. She is curious about the surrounding world and may enjoy travel and exotic cuisines. Variety intrigues and enlivens her. Artisan: Creating She taps into her unique perspective and creative talents and brings it to the world. It can take many forms —writing, art, sewing, glass blowing, jewelry, interior design, fragrances, photography, etc. Athlete: Moving She focuses on body movement, flexibility, health and fitness, Running, hiking, tennis, sports, yoga, dance, or other activities are important. She weaves physical movement into each day and recognizes the value of good health. Caregiver: Nurturing Whether through necessity or choice, caring for others and herself becomes a focus. Women may become a primary caregiver for a loved one or begin a new midlife career in areas of health and wellbeing. Self-care is essential for her, including adequate rest, healthy foods, and exercise. Entrepreneur: Enterprising A love of business and being part of the economic landscape excites her. She uses her vast experience as a solid base for a successful venture. Sage: Learning She finds joy in discovery. A mild interest in a subject can become a passion, fueling a strong desire to learn as much as possible and become an expert in a particular field. Sensualist: Savoring She finds delight through the senses. The sensualist experiences the five (some say six) senses in greater depth. She enjoys a life rich in texture, tastes, sounds, or scents. Torchbearer: Connecting She values the past and brings it to the present day. She is the keeper of family and cultural traditions, and ensures the family remains connected to their roots. Busy, engaged and connected, she loves her life and her tribes and communities. World Changer: Impacting She has a strong desire to make a difference and uses her gifts and resources to serve a local community or global need that she is passionate about. Please add to the conversation. I’d love to hear how you’ve tapped into these energies to revitalize your life, expand your community and live with renewed purpose. Contact me at cherryll@cherryllsevy.com. Body text
Cherryll Sevy, 
www.cherryllsevy.com, is a writer, speaker, and workshop facilitator. She encourages and guides women to create a more vibrant life, of renewed purpose and passion. She’s the author of the upcoming book,What Now? 9 Ways to Live Your Best Life after Fifty.
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