{{date:MMMM d, yyyy}} | ISSUE No. One
Page 4 Wild ride? Try spending time in ...... The Alzheimer's Simulator
Regifted Grace® Grace
MAMA, I'M SO SORRY
Front Cover photo credit © 2019 Chuck Knapp
Encouraging Those Who Encourage Others
TABLE OF CONTENTS
3 In the Beginning ... Cheryl Crofoot Knapp 4 Mama, I'm So Sorry! Cheryl Crofoot Knapp 11 Beautifully Scarred Kerri G. Daniels 14 I Don't Have to Take It Anymore ... How to Turn Off the Anxiety Flow Randall Merrill 20 These are a Few of my Scariest Things Cheryl Crofoot Knapp 24 When Caregiving Hurts ... The Spencer Project Jenny Reese Clark 31 Heroic Caregivers and Acceptance Ann Sockol 33 Books and Resources
Regifted Grace Ministry LLC is an interdenominational, non-profit Christian ministry created to encourage those impacted by long-term illness, particularly families and their caregivers. We seek to educate, encourage, and provide resources to those impacted by long-term illness. We have walked in your shoes or are there right now. And we want to lead you to discover collateral beauty in serving others and the belief that the grace is always greener on God's side. REGIFTED GRACE®, the magazine, is published electronically 12 times a year. Credits: Editor-in-Chief: Cheryl Crofoot Knapp Contributors: Kerri G. Daniels, Jenny Reese Clark, Randall Merrill, Ann Sockol For submissions, subscriptions, queries, and advertising: Email cheryl@cherylcrofootknapp.com Write P. O. Box 727, Yellville, Arkansas 72687 Copyright 2019 by Regifted Grace Ministry LLC Submissions: We accept submissions that uplift and encourage others. Please send by email by the first of each month. Maximum length is 1000 words; bio up to 150 words. Final discretion to use or not use a creative work is at the sole discretion of Regifted Grace Ministry. REGIFTED GRACE® is a federally registered service mark (5,025,954) of Regifted Grace Ministry LLC. Medical Disclaimer: Regifted Grace Ministry does not seek to take the place of any licensed healthcare professional. We do our best to bring you information after careful research. Please seek the advice of professional medical staff for all medical needs and treatments. Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.Scripture quotations marked HCSB are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.
Photo credit © 2019 Chuck Knapp
Our family's story has been raw and personal, but one that needs to be told. Others who are walking or may walk in similar shoes need to be encouraged. And I'm still trying to make sense out of it all. Caregivers--whether professional or family--are humble servants who carry a difficult yoke, often all by themselves. This e-magazine is launched especially for you, to convey you're not alone, to offer resources and research, and to let you know you are appreciated and loved. I couldn't have done this journey without my faith in Jesus. I'll share my journey and my faith with you a step at a time. For now, with Issue Number One, I'll give you some background. First we lost my dad to Alzheimer's in 2010. We wrote off my mom's confusion and memory lapses to her depression of losing dad to "it" after 57 years of marriage. She was a very young bride of only 19 when they got married. Now she was faced with being alone for the first time. But then the obvious and familiar signs couldn't be overlooked anymore. We were now on the journey of losing my mom to "it." Our second rodeo was even more emotional than the first. My caregiving journey began on June 30, 2009, when I placed dad in a care facility in Harrison, Arkansas. And it ended on June 30, 2016, when I held my sweet mama's hand for the very last time. Amazing how God sees to every detail. Bookends of June 30 -- from beginning to end. I share our Alzheimer's journey so I can tell you that I know it hurts, and I believe in you. You are not alone--five million Americans are diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and fifteen million caregivers gave over eighteen billion hours of care in 2015. If you feel broken, stressed, scared, scarred, tear-stained, fear-filled, and weary, I have been there, too. What started as casual caregiving became all consuming--until I could count it all grace. And I discovered that God's unmerited favor of abundant grace could bring abundant joy. Caregiving is an inspiring, selfless act of love. Generations that follow us are watching. And being inspired by it. The term "Regifted Grace" represents the fact that God bestows His grace on us to share with others. We get to regift His grace. This magazine is a gift to you, with the help of many hands and talents, to help you wherever life finds you. You may be a caregiver, you may be a loved one, you may work in a capacity that reaches out to encourage others. Please let us know how we can help. But I know you need more than a cheerleader. If you'll allow me to hold your hand, I'll lead you through an amazing journey to discover grace, even in a sock drawer.
... in the beginning by Cheryl Crofoot Knapp, Editor
MAMA, I'M SO SORRY! BY CHERYL CROFOOT KNAPP
Shortly after my mama passed, I experienced an Alzheimer's simulator. I never thought I could experience the fear, anxiety, and rage of the disease. But I did. This article won a first place Foundation Award in 2017.
I live here. It was Mom's handwriting all right—on a notepad scattered among many notepads. I cried when I found it. Mom must have scribbled it during a cognitive moment and hoped it would help her remember where she was and why she was there. But it didn't. Late stage Alzheimer's, also referred to by me as "it," stole her short-term memory and many decades of long-term memories. She couldn't even remember that she lived in a small Assisted Living unit at a care facility. Mom’s sundowning from it started every afternoon by two o'clock. Her agitation and wandering got progressively worse when evening came. One evening she called 911 and demanded that they send over a squad car to take her back to her childhood home. She told them nobody was listening to her, she had no family, and everyone refused to bring her home. A few months later in the middle of the night, she entered the room of a sleeping resident who was new to the facility. Mom screamed at the woman and insisted that the woman tell her where my dad's dead body was located. Gruesome indeed. Her delusions convinced her that she lived in a motor home that had to be moved right away, or else she would be kicked out of the campground where she thought she was parked. She called me and insisted that I bring over the key and move the motor home immediately. Her delusions also convinced her that I purposely played a hateful practical joke on her by shrinking her overcoat in hot water so it wouldn't fit her anymore. And her hallucinations painfully lied to her that people were in her bed and she had to sleep on the couch. When my husband Chuck and I saw the rumpled afghan on the couch the next day, we held back our tears. Her perception was her reality, and her reality was a frightening place. We had a front row seat as Mom's caregivers and could see what Alzheimer's looked like. It was a familiar sight—my Dad died of it only a few years earlier. But we couldn't internally feel their fear, anger, anxiety and oppression. I couldn't know ... didn't want to know ... what it was really like for my sweet mama, my best friend in life, to live with such a cruel disease.... ...until I heard about The Alzheimer's/Dementia Experience: Take a Walk in Their Shoes simulator from a television feature story aired by KTHV-11 (Little Rock, Arkansas; see link below). The Alzheimer's simulator is a project of the UAMS Donald W. Reynolds Institute on Aging and the Arkansas Aging Initiative funded by the Donald W. Reynolds Foundation and a grant received from HHS/HRSA. I admit I was a little skeptical that any simulator could allow me to feel the fear, confusion and anger that I could see in my mom’s eyes. And I was concerned how emotional it might be for me to get a genuine glimpse of what both my parents endured. I had viewed their Alzheimer’s journeys from the front row, but I couldn't go inside their world. Until now. My husband and I scheduled an appointment so we could each do the simulation in Hot Springs, Arkansas. When we arrived, the staff and Coordinator Valerie Claar were absolutely wonderful. However, the jovial countenance that entered the building with me quickly changed when it was time to be prepped for the ten-minute journey through Alzheimer's. I went first. They escorted me into the training room to fill out forms and get suited up. The purpose of the simulator is to "help care providers better understand the symptoms of Alzheimer's disease and dementia, including loss of hearing, vision, sensory nerves, fine motor skills and onset of arthritis and neuropathy" (www.agec.org; see link below for more information). I placed in each shoe a special insert that made it uncomfortable to walk. Special goggles were put over my eyes to alter my vision, and a set of headphones attached to a CD player were placed over my ears so that I would hear disjointed sounds and startling voices. Gloves were put on my hands, and modifications were made in order to alter my fine motor skills. I was advised that a "monitor" would be in the simulator room with me, but that she would not answer any questions or respond to anything I said or did. When I was ready, the CD player was started, and I was escorted out of the training room and led to the door of the simulation room. I needed help walking, and I could hardly see where I was going. At the door of the simulation room, the monitor gave me instructions. She told me that I had to complete five tasks—in order—during the 10-minute simulation. Each task had at least two separate steps. I remembered that I couldn't ask any questions, so I knew she wouldn't repeat the five tasks. One by one, she gave me the assigned tasks. At this point, I started to feel my emotions swelling. I was fearful that I wouldn't remember the tasks, let alone remember them in correct order. And because I couldn't remember them with all the distractions, I was afraid I had Alzheimer's too. I wanted desperately to succeed, but once she got to the third task, all I could do was to try to hear her words and hope I could remember something. I started to feel what I believe my mom felt—she wanted to follow instructions and do things correctly, but she just couldn't. The monitor escorted me into what seemed to be a dark room. Perhaps it was the goggles—I don't really know. She said my time "starts now." The first task I thought she told me was to find the white apron and put it on. With hearing and vision loss, and simulated neuropathy on my feet, I shuffled about the room to find the apron. I frequently muttered, "Apron ... apron ... apron." When I couldn't find it, I went to a task that I could remember and locate with my limited vision. I nailed that one and felt pleased. But I couldn't remember the next one and decided that order no longer mattered. And I was angry because I couldn't ask for help. Hmmmmmmm .... how many times might my mom have conceded that "order" wasn't necessary? Like when she stored her toothpaste in the underwear drawer? Or flushed her lower partial denture down the toilet? Was I starting to understand why she was so upset when no one would listen to her pleas to drive her back to her childhood home over 800 miles away? And how hard was it when Mom didn't know where she was supposed to go or what she needed to do next? Did she get startled by all the noises in her head just like the noises I was hearing in mine? Is this why she wrote notes to remind her in which laundry room she was washing her clothes or where she lived? And did she have pain in her feet that resulted in her shuffled walk, and did her distorted vision cause her gait to veer to the right? My initial skepticism went out the window. I was now frustrated that I couldn't remember what to do, was agitated that I couldn't find the darn apron, and wanted to punch out an annoyance with the lighting in the room that angered me as much as fingernails being scraped on a chalkboard. Guess what? I realized that I was experiencing the frustration, confusion and anger of dementia. I continued to try to find my way around the room, cocking my head in an uncomfortable position in order to try to see through the goggles. C'mon, Cheryl. Accomplish something. Anything. I stumbled on a table and remembered a task. When I completed it, I felt such a sense of accomplishment. Perhaps that's why my mom always wanted to continue to do her own laundry? It wasn't that she wanted clean laundry. What she wanted was independence. Then I stumbled on another task. Oh, yeah, I remember that one now. The noises in my head, the hearing and vision losses, and thinking about how this felt for my mom totally distracted me. I was clueless about the stupid apron that was playing tricks on me, and I was clueless about the one remaining task... ...until once again, I stumbled upon the one remaining task. I performed it while muttering, "Apron ... apron ... apron." The monitor interrupted me and said my ten minutes were over and the simulation was completed. My first thought was, I can't believe I couldn't do five basic, simple tasks in ten minutes. Did my mom feel defeated too? Maybe now I can find that dang apron and rip it to shreds ... after I destroy the huge annoyance in the room and throw it out the window. I said so long to the CD player, goggles, inserts and gloves. Valerie and I had a debriefing session that helped me understand how they designed the simulator and the impact it's making in their caregiving training programs. We talked about how this simulator might not be appropriate for a family caregiver who's living through the worst parts of the late stages of the disease. It's too raw. It's too emotional. But for professional caregivers and family caregivers just starting to provide care to a loved one, I believe the simulation offers great insights into quality of care and allows the participant to walk in the shoes of someone with Alzheimer's. The simulator was life changing. I now know what it felt like for my mom and dad. It didn't simulate when Dad could no longer remember how to chew or swallow food, despite my helping him put the spoon to his mouth, asking him to open his mouth, and reminding him to swallow. But it did allow me to experience fear, anxiety, agitation and confusion. It did allow me to experience that I really wanted to do a good job and complete the tasks, and that I just couldn't remember them. Several days after the simulator, I emotionally wished I could have a do-over in caregiving. The simulator made me realize that it was much harder on my mom than I ever imagined. I wept for my mom. I wept for things I could have done differently—if I had only known. I remembered how much she wanted to do things right. Mom even told me, "Please help me. Please don't stop loving me because I do stupid things." I lovingly reassured her that I would love her always and would always be her life manager. With tears, we both smiled. I got angry all over again about how it stole so much from my parents, and that they suffered more deeply than I knew at the time. Perhaps I could have been more gentle, slowed down my pace, quit trying to fit Mom's world into my own. The good part? I rediscovered the collateral beauty in the time that I did have with my parents, especially my mom through three years of caregiving for her. She was the first to hold me in the hospital (when I was born), and I was the last to hold her in the hospital (when she was released from it). I truly knew my mom, and there was much beauty in how we loved each other. Oh, and the apron? There was none. I didn't remember the correct details of the task. KTHV-11 Feature Story: http://www.thv11.com/news/health/new-simulation-allows- caregivers-to-walk-in-the-shoes-of-dementia-patients/487832209 Link to UAMS information: http://www.agec.org/alzheimersdementia-experience-take-a-walk-in-their-shoes/ © 2018 Regifted Grace® Ministry LLC With grace and humor, Cheryl Crofoot Knapp was a primary caregiver and life manager for her parents through their battles with Alzheimer's. She is an intentional speaker, author and blogger—sharing God's grace in the storms, and affirming caregivers for those with a terminal disease that they aren't alone in wondering if life can return to a place of peace. She is passionate about using her life experiences to encourage others. She’s the author of Undefeated Innocence, which combines personal and humorous anecdotes with Biblical truths to share with caregivers that God’s grace is always sufficient. She writes “Caregivers Corner: Caring for Parents,” which is featured in Broken But Priceless online magazine. She is a guest facilitator at the Mruk Center on Aging’s Alzheimer’s Dementia Caregiving Support Group meetings and was a guest speaker at the “Passionate About Purple Gala” in San Antonio. Cheryl is a member of First Baptist Church of Mountain Home (Arkansas), participates in Walks to End Alzheimer’s, and she has served in Bible study, worship, evangelism, and prison ministries. She founded Regifted Grace Ministry and shares her contagious faith at conferences, retreats, banquets, and churches, as well as on television and radio interviews.
https://cherylcrofootknapp.com
Scars...we all have them. Even Jesus did. His nail-scarred hands were marked with love and promise; yet not without pain. Yes--pain as we all know it. Whether our pain is physical, spiritual, emotional, or mental, we all know that pain hurts. Every painful experience has a purpose when you belong to Jesus Christ. We don’t focus on the pain. We focus on His promise and purpose. Pain comes with a purpose. What a sight that must have been for Jesus’ disciples to see Him standing before them with opened arms revealing His nail-scarred hands and feet. Can we say the same thing about our scars? Can we stand with strength and courage and reveal our scars knowing that they were not left there without a purpose? We can, but not without Jesus. He gives us the strength and courage to rise above the pain. My scars are a reminder of how much He loves me and how He has made me as I am today--an overcomer, and yet beautifully scarred. "For I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus." (Gal. 6:17) We all have scars. But those scars don't have to define us. Only Jesus defines who we are in Christ❤ He's so much in love with you! You are His child! Just as the Father did for Jesus, He wants to take what has been broken in you and breathe new life and fill your soul with His life-changing promises. He does that every single moment we go to Him and lay all of our trials and struggles at the foot of the cross. When you say, "I can't," God says, "I CAN." I'm so thankful that Jesus doesn't base His love for us on the things we do or don't do. He loves us because we belong to Him. Take His promise and read it like Jesus is talking to you this moment... “But, ______(insert your name), you belong to me. You have already won a victory over everyone that has tried to hurt you and all the trials that you have had to endure to build you up into my kingdom. You are the person you are today because you have overcome! The enemy wants only to destroy you. Stand your ground and march onward because the Spirit who lives in you, my beautiful son/daughter __________ (insert your name), comes from me, and not the world. "This spirit in the world only wants to wreak havoc in your life and give you no faith, no hope, and no love (1 John 4:4). ______ (insert your name), this is not what I have planned for you. Breathe in and know My Promise that "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)" Friend, believe His promise and receive it. Every temptation we face will be a test of our faith. Will we allow our flesh which is weak, or will we allow our spirit which is willing? “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41). There is no other love that compares to the love and protection He provides in the life He has chosen for you. “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. ______, (insert your name), Now, remain in my love.” (John 15:9) Allow God’s Word to breathe new life into your soul. Together we can heal, take our scars, and lay them at the foot of the cross--the cross where Jesus loved us enough to receive His scars and give up His life only so that we may find everlasting life with Him. This love will never leave us, nor forsake us. “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” (Deuteronomy 31:8) Kerri Gene Daniels is an author, writer, and a passionately avid journaler who lives in Adrian, Michigan. Kerri is a wife, mother, beloved daughter, and twin to her best friend and sister, Sherri. When not helping her husband Rick on the farm or spending time with her family, Kerri loves to throw on her cowboy hat and boots, sit on her back porch - overlooking their farmland, and playing guitar. Above all else, Kerri loves singing the praises of her Lord and her Savior, Christ Jesus. Born in Lansing, Michigan, but a lifetime resident of Adrian, you will find Kerri either on her back deck playing guitar while deer pass by to hear her or trudging through her garden, tearing out weeds, and praying over her favorite fruits and veggies. https://kerridanielsministries.com
Beautifully Scarred By Kerri G. Daniels
I don't have to take it anymore ... how to turn off the anxiety flow
by randall merrill
According to a 2018 report[1], anxiety affects over 18% of the population. Many of us have bouts with anxiety, and almost every one of us knows someone who regularly struggles in this area. While I understand that some situations call for a professional’s help, and I don’t claim to have the magic solution to solve the world’s problems in this area, I hope to have something to contribute. Thankfully, the Bible acknowledges anxiety as a common affliction even in the ancient world. Some of the heroes of the Bible struggled with anxious thoughts. What we are facing is nothing new, but it appears to be much more prevalent. So, is there hope for us? Can we live at a different level? How can we deal with such a formidable monster that turns so many strong believers into helpless victims? Initial Thoughts First, I would suggest that for some of us, anxiety begins with confusion or perhaps even surprise. This is often because we have a template laid out for our lives, and life has a way of shattering the template. When that happens, we are caught off guard, like a sports team that has a great game plan, but gets thrown off balance by their opponents, so they never implement their plan. Similarly, our enemy uses the element of shock to throw us off balance. Once the initial shock subsides, it often gives way to anxiety. The what-has-happened turns into what-ifs, and the what-ifs begin to multiply. Others of us honestly can’t pinpoint the reason for our bouts with anxiety. It just happens. And before we know it, it starts to overpower us. The most hideous trap is to get all worked up because we’re worrying. “Look at me,” we think, “I’m worrying!” There is nothing worse than worrying about our worrying. But if we can catch the cycle early enough, we can short-circuit it in the most unlikely of ways: by giving ourselves permission to be confused, or even worried. The psalmist admits confusion many times, and he never browbeats himself for being there. Taking these steps can help to break this cycle before it completely dominates us. However, for some of us, the cycle is more advanced. It is too late to keep the monster from the door. He is already in the house, doing as he pleases. So, what then? For those of us who are at that point, there is still room for optimism. It is for these people that I offer the following four strategies: When It Won’t Go Away Strategy #1: Pray First, the Bible gives us some really great advice: Turn your thoughts into prayers. If you read Philippians 4:6–7, you’ll notice that Paul commands believers to not worry, but instead to pray. It’s a variation on “When-life-give-you-lemons-make-lemonade.” We transform our anxious thoughts into prayers. But we must be careful that we don’t see prayer as a means of therapy. We are not offering our prayers simply for therapeutic reasons; we are praying them because we believe that God hears us and answers us. The more we look to God, the less our attention focuses on what had made us anxious in the first place, and we begin to notice that our mind doesn’t have enough room for both faith and anxiety, so we pray until faith crowds out anxiety. Strategy #2: Channel Your Thoughts Second, staying with the same passage, in Philippians 4:8, Paul gives us another command. In this verse, he tells us where we must focus our thoughts: on whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, and on wherever we find excellence and anything worthy of praise. I can promise you that the thoughts that are making you anxious are not the types of things Paul is commanding us to think about. It is important that we not misunderstand what Paul is urging us to do. He is not telling us to stop thinking about these anxious thoughts. He is not scolding us for doing the wrong thing. He is telling us that the way to wrestle with the monster is to ignore him. Paul is telling us to divert our attention and to turn away from our anxious thoughts because we are shifting our focus. If we will place our focus where he is telling us to place it, the monster will go into a corner somewhere and sulk because we aren’t giving him attention anymore. Strategy #3: Rehearse God’s Goodness Third, I want to hand you a strategy that applies to a specific time, a time when we are the most vulnerable—nighttime. Anxieties thrive at night. Even if the monster sulks all day long for lack of attention, he will try to stage a comeback at night and rob us of the gift of rest. It is at night that our what-ifs multiply and try to wreak havoc with our imagination. But the psalmist was wise to this ploy. He says in Psalm 94:19, “When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.” So, before you go to bed, make a list of several reminders that God has given you of His love and care. All of us have anxious thoughts at times, but thankfully, all of us have consolations. Even in the worst of circumstances, God sprinkles our lives with small tokens of His love. Rehearse them before you turn in for the night. Then, when the monster pays you a visit at night, in the twilight of your half-awakened sleep, determine to shift your attention to God’s consolations. Rehearse them over and over. As you allow them to occupy your attention, you will again send the foul critter back to the corner, even at night. Strategy #4: Reach Out Having said all of this, I have one more piece of advice: Reach out. Humble yourself and reach out to your friends and loved ones and ask them to pray for you as you push back against our sworn enemy. You are going to need their support. Another way you can reach out is to make new friends. Go to places you haven’t been before. Join organizations that strike your interest and get to know people there. As hard as this may be, push forward, knowing that anxiety and loneliness often track together. Many times, only a handful of new friends—or even one good friend—will prove to be a tremendous help in combating the enemy’s designs to pull you down. A Word from a Friend Years ago, when I told a friend of mine about how my anxious thoughts were morphing into something I couldn’t manage, he said, “You’re a believer. You don’t have to take that.” I’ve never forgotten those words. If you’ve been living below your privilege, realize that you don’t have to be another trophy on the wall of our mortal enemy. You don’t have to be another stat. Stop letting it happen. God has given us strategies and commands in His Word to help us. You don’t have to take that. [1] https://adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics Randall Merrill has spent his life in service to others and gravitates toward people who see the potential for God to work in the midst of life’s challenges. He is currently at the dissertation stage of his PhD studies. In addition to being an assistant to three professors, he has taught in the classroom and published several entries in Bible dictionaries. In his current position as chaplain, his focus is on practical help for people who are in crisis or are facing significant difficulties. He helps others by listening, referring, and praying, and by standing with them in the event of tragedy.
tHese are a few of my scariest things By cheryl crofoot knapp
Scary things scare me! When I had to confront something I feared (an MRI), I wasn’t excited about being shut in a machine with deafening noises. To me, that seemed like cruel and unusual punishment. I sat in the waiting room. Don’t they know that the length of my wait increases the intensity of my fears? I recalled my anxiety over zip-lining in the Ozark Mountains. After a hairpin-turn in an open-sided truck with two tires on the road and two hanging over a ridge, the guides issued me a hard hat, gloves, and a harness that would somehow stop my plummet from the cable into the forest 100 feet below. They declined my suggestion for sheathing me in infinite amounts of bubble wrap. When I got to the platform, the guides concluded I was one of those people who never take the giant leap. Convinced flying through the air was better than tackling the truck ride again, I said, “Let’s fly.” Off I flew—and had the time of my life! Back in the waiting room, I rationalized that if I could sail through the air on a cable, I could lie in a machine while magnets disrupted the atom structure in my body. The technician recognized my fears, convinced I was one of those people who would never make it through the imaging. She suggested I come back another time and have sedation. I felt marked with failure for my lack of courage, and I hate sedation. I resigned myself to the MRI. She positioned me in the machine, briefly held my hand, and gave me a buzzer to alert her when I was convinced I would die. I said, “Let’s roll.” Survival mode began as I was literally rolled into the machine. Each scan started with a loud jackhammer sound and continued with vibrations and distinct clatter. One scan sounded like a mantra. I wanted to laugh, but was instructed not to move. Another sounded like a monotone voice repeating “believe believe.” It was likely no coincidence, as I prayed against my fears—I believed alright! The last scan sounded like a helicopter. I nearly cried as I remembered a magnificent helicopter ride into the Grand Canyon with my husband. But since I was instructed not to move, crying was out. I ultimately wasn’t one of those people. I never pushed my buzzer to get out early. I praised God for the courage to endure that machine for 30 minutes. He taught me that all I needed to do was believe that my fears were never bigger than His presence. God says we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14 NIV) I naturally liked the part about being made wonderful, but I struggled to comprehend being “fearfully made.” When I checked the meaning of fearful, I was reminded fearful means to be afraid or filled with awe. Daniel must have been afraid of the lions when he entered the lions' den. But he was awed by the Lord’s protection from the lions’ jaws. Queen Esther must have been afraid when she approached the King. But she was awed by her security with God, not in royal privilege. David must have been afraid as he selected stones to slay the giant or when his grievous sins were revealed. But he was awed by God’s power to protect, and to forgive his moral weaknesses. God considered him to be a man after His own heart. (Acts 13:22 NIV) How beautiful to be fearfully and wonderfully made! God desires our awe of Him. He knows we get lost in real fears, and He promises His love through them. God said, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” (Isaiah 43:1 NIV) Even in our fearful moments, He never rejects and always protects—because He summons us by name into His presence.
When caregiving hurts ... the spencer project by jenny reese clark
To change one's field of influence is to change the course of one's life. I’m not proud of how I’ve obtained the authority to write or speak on the subjects I do, but my incarceration and faith go hand in hand. Until I was still, I couldn't see past myself; once I surrendered my selfish ways, the haze lifted and life began. The many lessons achieved through a consequence so great is what inspires me to share these stories that carry both warning and hope. In Field of Influence, you will see this passion unfold. It’s an extremely insightful look into the forbidden realm of drug addiction. As a former manufacturer and abuser of drugs, I relate well to my character and the struggles he faces, but I also identify with his victory and redemption. This Marine’s story will not only shed light on the unknown, but help guide those searching for answers in how to overcome tragedy. My goal is to reach out, pick up, brush off, and send out. THE BOOK: FIELD OF INFLUENCE "I have come to a point. If I move one more step in any direction, I have to acknowledge that I passed serious long ago. I pursue an ever-eluding precursor of death, and I'm never satisfied when I find it. The time I spend in pleasure does not outweigh the chase, and the reasons why I continue in this parody of life baffle me." - U.S. Marine Thurman Casey Shaw With an honorable discharge and wounds more than surface deep, United States Marine Thurman Casey Shaw leaves one war zone to battle for a half-life existence in another. With a former brother as his only friend in New York, Casey loses himself inside a world that he can’t escape. Addiction and desperate times lead him to an unusual proposal: “Once you ingest the contents of this box, you must loosen its hold on your life forever.” Accepting the challenge out of pure hopelessness, Casey has no clue that when he wakes up, his life will change whether he wants it to or not. FROM THE AUTHOR: This novel is a step by step walk through of one of the most dangerous places one can be. While filled with strong emotional content, the array of feelings are broad and explained in a way only one who has been there knows and can. As a former prisoner, I was spared by the same grace offered to Casey. Redemption, sacrifice, faith, and love are all core elements found in this work. It begins serious and ends even more intense. This Marine’s story is written for all who seek answers. My goal is that once read, those answers forge next steps. THE SPENCER PROJECT: The Spencer Project is an opportunity for all United States Military and VA Hospital chaplains, counselors, and therapists to receive a free eBook of Field of Influence in order to help aid them in ministering to service men, women, and veterans who struggle with overcoming substance abuse issues related to post traumatic pain and stress. As we all know, drug addiction and PTS can destroy not only the lives of those personally suffering, but harm the family members who remain faithful to love these individuals. The goal in creating this project is ultimately to offer confidence and direction to those who can no longer see resolution in their situation. Field of Influence is a Christian fiction novel whose main character is a Marine who gets wounded in combat, only to return home and fight another battle in drug addiction as a result of his failure to properly cope with past war- related injuries and pressure. The subject matter revealed in Field of Influence is intense and written straight from the core of these conditions. This graphic look inside the depths of the main character’s soul is meant to not only guide those in the midst of trials, but educate those who are affected by them. With genuine effort, one can simply read and follow the lead of the main character into developing their own first steps towards true and meaningful healing. As the author of Field of Influence, my personal desire is to encourage the weary fighter, enlighten the confused bystander, and help birth new beginnings founded on faith. My hope is that all who read this story understand the sovereign nature of our Almighty God and that nothing is beyond His ability to restore. Spencer Speaks: My name is John W. Spencer. I have the honor of serving as a Staff Sergeant in the United States Army. In the course of my nearly 18 years in our nation’s military, I have traveled the United States, Europe, and served 26 months in Iraq conducting combat operations. My career has spanned from the most basic duties of the lowest ranking Soldier to Section Leader of Military Police Investigations in several venues. I share this information with you, not because I lack humility or require recognition, but to provide a glance at the diversity of my past locations and duties. Such diversity has provided the opportunity to encounter thousands of people. Jenny Reese Clark was first introduced to me while I was at work. I am in many ways, a hardened, uniform, disciplined Soldier who enjoys privacy, anonymity and, as a result of physical and emotional combat injuries, have very little interest in others’ opinions about life and religion. Surprisingly, Jenny’s openness about her immoral and unlawful past, her humble demeanor, and heartfelt interest in my happiness completely disarmed me. As I spoke with her, I used every interview and interrogation skill I’d learned to find fault in her presentation. Instead, I saw something unique in her; something bigger than me. President Abraham Lincoln said, “Reputation is the shadow. Character is the tree.” As I read her book, Field of Influence, I was awakened to her journey throughout her own life. Of the countless men and women I have met in my life, I’ve yet to meet a person who has persevered to evolve with such tenacity. She has proven in her own life that even the most unsavory members of society can recreate their lives. Through two combat tours, I have witnessed some of the most despicable acts of man. I have trained, mentored, guided, and fought side by side with the bravest men and women in the world. In Europe and at home, I’ve been surrounded by warriors who have returned from battle. What all these people share is a dark, cancerous void that cannot be filled with outdated Army doctrine or a Purple Heart. It is a hole in the souls of our young warriors that if not addressed effectively, can destroy each life. I allowed this void to fester and grow in my own life leaving a wake of heartache, sorrow, resentment, and uncertainty. Since my first interaction with Jenny, my outlook has changed considerably. I have hope that I never felt before. There are many in this world that attempt to address our needs. Unfortunately, they are largely unsuccessful. This repetitive cycle has only added to the increase in the suicides of our brave Service Members. Jenny Reese Clark’s life and writings revolve solely around God. I cannot speak for everyone, but I am more than qualified to speak on the absolute need for Jenny’s words, thoughts, and selfless acts at every military installation throughout the world. As a society, we owe our Service Members and their families the opportunity to regain their lives. RECEIVE A COPY: To receive your own personal eBook, please reference The Spencer Project in an email addressed directly to the author at: jlreeseclark@gmail.com. Please be sure to include your contact information along with the branch you serve, as well as the name of this magazine (Regifted Grace). Note: All questions are welcome.
Note from the Editor: Through my own caregiving experiences, and reading the tender stories of others with similar experiences, after the caregiving journey ends it often feels like post-traumatic stress. When Jenny shared with me some of her own personal journey, the novel she wrote, and The Spencer Project, I knew I needed to share this with you. If your caregiving journey has felt overwhelming and like PTSD, or if you know someone suffering from PTSD, please consider getting the book (mention this magazine) and reading her amazing blog posts. Cheryl Crofoot Knapp https://www.jennyreeseclark.com
Jenny Reese Clark is a living testimony of what true faith in Jesus Christ can bring. As a multiple felon of various drug charges including Unlawful Manufacturing of Methamphetamines, Jenny is no stranger to breaking the rules or suffering their consequences. In April of 2010, Jenny’s life hit an all-time low as she turned her back on the home burning behind her. As a result of a chemical interaction, the clandestine laboratory that she brought secretly into her sister’s home, exploded. As she took off shoeless, she ran as far as she could to escape the consequences. With her sister’s pet dead inside, and her relationships destroyed through her own betrayals, Jenny woke up as a Jane Doe on a ventilator in an ICU 24 hours later knowing there was no way to come back from such destruction. Growing up in a home that offered her as much encouragement as anyone could ask for, the path she chose didn't equal the opportunity given to her. On March 7th 1999, Jenny was in a serious car accident that left her with plates, screws, and in a wheelchair for months. It was then she discovered the benefits opiates could offer her, and within a few short years she unintentionally claimed the title of full-blown drug addict. It wasn’t until Jenny went to prison on a 15 year sentence and lost every relationship, possession, and privilege she ever had that she began to honestly understand her true need and dependency upon the Lord. She returned to her roots and picked up her biblical studies where they left off, this time clinging to every word knowing it meant her life or death. Today, Jenny is recognized by the Alabama Department of Mental Health as a Certified Peer Support Specialist and has since received a Pardon from the State of Alabama. As the wife of a US Army Chaplain, she continues to reach out through her own military ministry known as The Spencer Project. While she actively blogs and speaks about her own spiritual journey, she is also a contributing author for Lift Up Your Day, a website designed to encourage believers through written stories and podcasts and The Life of a Single Mom Ministries, which strives to establish support groups and programming for single parents to promote self-sufficiency in parenting, finances, and health & wellness. Jenny is also an active volunteer with Fort Benning's Protestant Women of the Chapel and served as the Vice President of Programs for 2016-2017.
As a Registered Nurse, as well as a professional and family caregiver, I took care of my dad for over five years and worked with patients and families for over twenty years. If you are anything like I was as a family caregiver, you might feel: · Overwhelmed · Overextended with work and caring · Stressed physically and emotionally I can relate. I have been there. You might wonder if it helped being a nurse. Only to a certain extent. I had the advantage of understanding the medical aspects and knowledge of the system. But other than that, it was just as hard for me as for anyone else. Many people struggle with caregiving. For some, it starts at the very beginning when faced with making that commitment. Some take on the task because they feel they have no choice. No matter the reason, the journey can be long and tiring. I have come to believe that caregivers are unsung heroes, doing heroic work. Never undervalue yourself or what you do. You deserve a lot of respect for accepting the challenge of caregiving. Some caregivers resist the role for many reasons: · Poor or unresolved relationship issues · Fears · Or many other reasons I remember when I first realized that the situation with my dad had come to the primary caregiving stage. I felt a lot of those things, including resistance and fear. But I had to make a decision, and I pass this on so hopefully it will help someone stuck at this stage. The physical challenge wasn’t going to go away. So, either I could fight it and be angry and resentful, or I could choose to see it as something being asked of me on a higher level. To do that properly would require complete acceptance! The kind of acceptance where you take a deep breath, let out all resistance, and embrace what is in front of you. I have subsequently observed that caregivers who have done that are more peaceful with their journey than those who hold resistance. It might not even be conscious. Most likely caregivers haven’t taken the time to evaluate and give it proper attention. So, I encourage every caregiver, no matter what stage of caregiving you are at, to take the time for inner reflection on what acceptance means to you. Once you do this, you can find a renewed sense of purpose. A purpose that you can rightly see as heroic and valiant, and that will carry you through no matter what comes. “What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” R.W. Emerson Ann Sockol has experience as a caregiver, Registered Nurse, writer, and speaker. She combined her nursing knowledge and caregiving experience to create Caregiver Lifeline Programs to support caregivers and employers. For more information, see https://www.giftoflifefamilyhouse.org/bridge-caregiver- support/about-caregiver-lifeline-program/
“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” C.S. Lewis
Heroic Caregivers and Acceptance
BY ANN SOCKOL, R.N.
glorified un-expectations bY kerri gene daniels CLICK ON TITLE TO PURCHASE
Broken. Scared. Scarred. That pretty much sums up the reality of how I felt as a caregiver and losing both parents to Alzheimer’s, a terminal disease that is painfully brutal, we know how it ends, there is no cure, and it doesn’t get better. I pleaded with God to not allow them to suffer anymore. And I asked God the question, “Where are you in Alzheimer’s?” I began looking for the answers in scripture and was amazed at what I found. I found permission to mourn. I found grace. And I began to discover the collateral beauty in Alzheimer’s. Sometimes caregiving got ugly, and sometimes it felt like no one else really understood. But God always understood, and He walked the journey with me. You are not alone–according to the Alzheimer’s Association 2018 Facts and Figures report, 5.7 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s, and over 16.1 million caregivers gave 18.4 billion hours of care valued over $232 billion. If you feel broken, stressed, scared, scarred, tear-stained, fear-filled, and weary, I’ve been standing right where you are. And I wasn’t defeated by it. I’m still standing, and a better person because of it. UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE will help you find hope in difficult circumstances and the grace to get up one day at a time with one foot in front of the other.
Kerri Gene Daniels is an extraordinary woman with an extraordinary story. Expecting to live that fairy tale life, at an early age, Kerri discovered just how difficult life can be. Rather than being devoured and ruled by deep dark despair, Kerri would turn to the only one who could heal and rescue her up out of what became her turbulent life: Jesus Christ. Through the pages of this, her maiden book and Mother's memoir, Kerri illuminates how each human-challenging trial brought her ever closer to the Lord. In fact, as you read Kerri's empowering and God-inspiring true story, you will discover the personal intimacy of God's love in the midst of this life's excruciating uncertainty. Find hope in hopeless situations. Grow faith in Jesus Christ; regardless of life’s circumstances. Learn to love as Christ loves. Find true joy in what appears to be unmanageable situations. Live a day-by-day, God-abiding Spirit-filled life. Identify God’s purpose to gain true meaning for your life. Through the pages of this, her maiden book and Mother’s memoir, Kerri illuminates how each human-challenging trial brought her ever closer to the Lord.
UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE by cheryl crofoot knapp CLICK ON TITLE TO PURCHASE
When something breaks, it doesn’t function in the same way as it did before it was broken. So, too, when the brain breaks with dementia and Alzheimer’s, the brain no longer functions like it did prior to breaking. Let's face it; nobody wants dementia. Often the person masks the symptoms for years and years until they can't fake it any more. It's exhausting to mask symptoms, trying to come across as "normal." You realize that you are related to your loved one; but, if their dementia is a little bit advanced, here is how they might perceive their surroundings: They are in a strange place and with a person that they don't recognize (you) and is making them take their clothes off to take a shower. Then the stranger (you) is telling them what to wear, when to eat, and what to eat. A stranger (you) is telling them when to go to the bathroom and when to sleep in a strange bed in a room they don't recognize. It's a frightening experience for them. Susan (Sue) L. Harrington is a publisher, multi-book author, speaker, and researcher residing in Western North Carolina. Please visit her website at: www.storiesforpublication.com As an author, her most important work is: Broken Brain: Caretakers Guide to Alzheimer's and Other Dementias" and she is also the author of Christian books, several types of journals, and two books for caretakers/loved ones of seniors.
Broken Brain: Caretakers Guide for Alzheimer's and Other Dementias by susan l. harrington CLICK ON TITLE TO PURCHASE
Donna Marentay will be hosting an Alzheimer’s Disease & Dementia Care Seminar in Midland Michigan on June 11, 2019. This is the required class for anyone seeking Certification as a Dementia Practitioner, as well as anyone who just wants to advance their skills and understanding of Alzheimer’s Disease and other types of Dementia. Upon completion of the Seminar, participants are then able to apply to the National Counsel of Certified Practitioners for Certification. The class offers 7 CEUs available to Nurses through the CEU Network. To learn more about the class and Certification as a Dementia Practitioner, please visit www.NewDawnDementia.com.
dementia care seminar and certification (cdp)
Valuable information for families from a team of dementia care specialists St. Luke’s Hospital and Silverado are offering complimentary dementia education for those caring for someone with dementia. Upcoming classes: Dementia 101 Tuesday, April 23, 2019 Dementia - Compassionate Communication Tuesday, May 21, 2019 Dementia - Understanding Behaviors Tuesday, June 18, 2019 All classes are offered: 11:00am - 12:00pm or 5:00pm - 6:00pm For more information or to RSVP, call (360) 746-6675 Classes will be held at: St. Luke’s Health Education Center Conference Room F 3333 Squalicum Parkway Bellingham, WA 98225
Complimentary Dementia Classes
For the May 2019 Edition, we would like to honor loved ones and especially the mothers. If you have a photo you would like to share with the readers, please send in JPG format to info@cherylcrofootknapp.com. Include a statement that "Regifted Grace Ministry LLC has permission to use photo," as well as a name and/or or statement up to 30 words. We'll print as many as we can. As always, we welcome writing submissions (see page 2). Until next time .... be filled with God's bountiful grace and joy.
Back Cover photo credit © 2019 Chuck Knapp
